05:00 before the light comes

05:00 perfect stillness stars and a slither of moon, rats are gnawing at something outside, another moves from her nest, it will be gone today. It doesn’t get better than this time of day with the cortisone pinks, waiting for dawn with a computer brain.Social media - well there are some uses, but really its all out there, in the perfect morning, first car passing on the road.I guess if you only think in images, you end up losing the words you might have never really had. That nicotine high, the one you can’t give up even if your lungs have lost 30% capacity and your doc has asked but doesn’t its hurt here as he presses gentle into your tumor dissolved rib. No. Well not much, but there is the jasmine to cut when the light comes, a hazy glow behind the chapel on the hill defined in white silhouette.There is nothing better than this drug induced half insomnia that guides me through the day in an endless list of activities - the lists make themselves and are so efficient I don’t know the person I was. But I like the person I am and im going to hang onto it as long as I can, day by day. And most days are good.Time is different at dawn, its lazy and slow, it teases, it doesn’t move its double packed, so many things can be done before it starts to race through the day proper picking up momentum back into the night.So here - a more private place like the Garden we’ve finally found the place to enjoy together John and I. A place not under the influence of likes and shares and popularity and I post therefore I exist. Its a choice not a confluence. Do a little bit of weeding and make a food plan.Have another cigarette and tell yourself you won’t smoke so much today. But really it doesn’t get more perfect than this morning.

Hasselblad500C/M Kodak160NC Profiti Ilia

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